In this case the person was pretty young and did not really seem like they were in treatment for the right reasons. In fact they were still pretty messed up, but not so much as to be oblivious or just flat out smashed. Instead, this person was messed up enough to just be annoying.

Well that is OK I suppose because you have to try and help each and every person, even if they are just coming through the door with a bad attitude and not much dedication to staying sober. Some days I just shake my head and think “This person is never going to make it.” And of course the second you do that, you will look back and be surprised that someone who you never though could stay sober for half a day is suddenly picking up their one year sobriety chip.

Well of course if you are willing to stay at some wellness hotels or take a ride on a celebrity detox recovery cruise then that is your choice and you should follow through with it. But understand that in most cases these types of extreme measures are not going to stack up to the fact that you have to want sobriety in your heart of hearts before you commit to trying to change. The main issue with relapse is not that the treatment was insufficient, but merely that the individual was unwilling to fully commit. We don’t need a miracle in treatment, we need a miracle change in mindset.

This is not a healthy way to live and I am trying to correct it. The way I go about doing this is a bit extreme, but of course I am a recovering drug addict, so I tend to be a bit like that sometimes. My technique for weight loss has always been through juice fasting.

I started fasting a couple years ago and I always do it every few months now. I love the way it makes me feel. Light and full of energy. You are hungry for a day or so and then the hunger evaporates and you are flying high on pure energy. I even continue to run for the first 2 days of my fast (but I don’t on the second 2 days). I have never fasted for longer than 4 days at a time, nor do I see a big reason too do so. The hippies would claim that if you fast longer, it will clean out your system a lot better, but I believe there is diminishing returns after about 4 days. This becomes especially true when you are fasting every couple of months and keeping your system a lot cleaner on a regular basis.

You do drop weight like crazy on a juice fast, especially if you keep up with your exercise routine (you do exercise right?!?!) I typically lose about 8 to 10 pounds in the 3 to 4 days that I fast for. This is remarkable for someone of my build because I am rather tall at 6 foot 1 inch and I weight about 170 on the dot. I have gone as low as 158 following a juice fast.

They say that the body needs to drop weight in order to heal itself. I believe it. I feel fantastic after fasting. Because of this, I will continue to experiment with more fasting in the future.

Another things about fasting is that you appreciate food more after you get done. For a few days, you appreciate every bite of food that you eat, instead of just shoveling junk into your mouth mindlessly. If I can learn how to capture this mindfulness that comes after a fast, and keep it with me always, I could eat a lot healthier all the time.

Fasting is not for everyone, but weight control can be a huge issue for a lot of people. If you want some more traditional weight loss tips I would follow that link there, and I do wish you luck on your journey to a healthier body!

For example, someone might stay out late into the night and not come home until long after they should be according to when they get done with work. This would cause us to raise our eyebrows in a lot of cases but at the same time the person might claim to be sitting at the bar for all that time. Either way it is not a great situation but most of us would like to think they are still faithful and just sitting at the bar all that time! At any rate, with enough of this behavior going on eventually people will see fit to find a lawyer.

In some cases it might be even worse and our spouse or loved one might not come home at all for a night or two. If this is the case for you does it really matter what the extent of their addiction is? This is neglectful and abusive in a big way and no one should have to live through this kind of abandonment and torment. It’s not fair to the spouse, regardless of whether or not they are cheating or just out binging on drugs and booze. Either way it is unacceptable and you should stand up for your rights and set some clear boundaries in the relationship.

If you answered “you can’t,” then you’re mostly right.  But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some things you can do to help a struggling drunk in some indirect ways.

If you really want to know how to help an alcoholic then you need to learn the art of detachment.

Practicing detachment

The art of detachment can take years of practice to master.  Fortunately you will have plenty of time to work on it if you happen to be married to an alcoholic.

Detachment is all about keeping yourself sane in the face of insanity.  What you have to do is to separate the disease of alcoholism from the person who has it.  This means that you hold them accountable for their behavior while still understanding that they have the disease of addiction.  It is a fine line and it is not easy to maintain in all situations.

One thing that you want to make sure is that you do not enable the person.  For example, if they need money to pay the rent and you bail them out of a jam in this way, it is likely that they will simply return to drinking away all of their money.  This can be tricky because sometimes they will manipulate you and say that they need the money for their kids or something.  While this is half true, the other half of the truth is that part of that money is going to booze.  Or, they bought booze because they knew that you would not let their kids go hungry.  So even though you might buy the food directly for the kids it is still enabling the alcoholic to continue with a destructive pattern.

Rescuing and consequences

You want to be sure that you are not rescuing the person as well.  This means that you simply allow them to experience any natural consequences of their drinking.  You do not have to be malicious or try to punish them in any way.  Just don’t bail them out of problems created by their drinking.  If you do so then your behavior is extremely unhealthy and is actually contributing to the problem.

So don’t rescue them.  If they get pulled over for drunk driving do not bail them out of jail.  If they are hung over and can’t make it to work do not call in sick for them.  Let them face their own music.

If you practice the principles outlined here then eventually this will nudge the alcoholic towards making a decision.  It is not a magic bullet but it is the best you can do if they refuse to get help for their alcoholism.

Nearly every single drug addict underestimates the challenge at first and so no one will get it right on their first try.

This is due mostly to the conditioning that we have experienced with other learning events in our lives.  We are used to putting in a modest effort with something new like this and getting out modest results.  Unfortunately this does not hold when it comes to overcoming addiction and the only way to achieve good results is to use overwhelming force.

Here are some examples of using overwhelming force to overcome addiction:

1) Long term treatment - always a strong choice, especially if other recovery strategies have failed (such as daily meeting attendance, short term residential treatment, outpatient, or counseling).  In my opinion, long term treatment actually provides you with the greatest possible level of support and structure in your life if you are sincere about changing for good.

2) 90 meetings in 90 days (or more) - most people think this suggestion is a bit over-the-top.  Of course this is before they realize that going to a few meetings per week led them to relapse.  Remember that we almost always underestimate what it will take to remain sober at first.

3) Changing people, places, and things and restructuring our entire life - this sounds like a lot too.  Well it is, duh!  Addiction is a lifestyle and if you want to overcome it then you have to find a new lifestyle.

In essence the real scope of the challenge is that you must create a new life.  This is a tall order, yes.  That is why overcoming addiction requires overwhelming force.  You are literally re-making your own life.

Not easy but definitely worth it.  Addiction help often comes in the way of radical change.  Think big.

Are you up for the challenge?

The key, of course, is in staying stopped.  This requires a decision.  Even having made this decision to stop using drugs, many recovering addicts will relapse.  The vast majority, in fact, will not see more than a month or two clean at the most before returning to active addiction.  The situation would seem to be hopeless for countless addicts out there.

What is the secret to long term recovery then?  Passion and purpose are the answer.  Ask anyone who has several years clean in recovery, and they will tell you that they have more purpose in their life now than they did when they were using drugs and alcohol.  They will also tell you that they are living more passionately than ever before.  What does this mean?  It means that they are excited about life in recovery and they wake up with a real sense of energy and get excited about the day ahead of them.  This is living with passion and purpose.

How to get there

So how do we get there?  The key is to approach recovery from a holistic standpoint.  This means that you forgo the traditional spiritual approach and start thinking holistically.  This means that you approach your recovery from every angle possible and tackle it with enthusiasm.  Branch out and grow in every area of your life, not just the spiritual realm.

An example of this is with fitness and nutrition.  Most people underestimate the power of regular exercise in helping them to maintain their sobriety.  It can be a huge factor for some people and it can almost constitute a recovery program all by itself.  Focusing too heavily on a spiritual solution would ignore this important physical component.  Likewise, it is worth considering growth in other areas of your life, such as the mentally, emotionally, socially, and so on.

Once you start growing holistically the benefits really start to add up over time.  It is slow growth at first but that will be true of any approach in recovery.  A long term holistic approach will always produce the most powerful results because you are now treating your whole addiction, not just the spiritual element of it.

This holistic approach will fill your life with passion and purpose in a way that you could not have predicted.  Life becomes more meaningful and exciting again when you are growing in multiple areas.

Note that these are overall strategies to guide you in recovery. The individual tactics that you use (such as going to an AA meeting or calling your sponsor) might vary from person to person. But these are the guiding principles that you will need to succeed. These 3 principles are:

1) Building a recovery network

2) Focusing on personal growth

3) Caring for yourself

Let’s take them one at a time in more detail.

Build a recovery network

This is especially important in early recovery. You need people in early recovery who can help you to maintain sobriety. If you could get clean and sober by yourself, then you wouldn’t really have a problem, would you? But we need help to recover. That’s where building a recovery network comes in.

The easiest way to do this, by far, is to simply start attending 12 step meetings. This is the ultimate shortcut in building up a network of like-minded people in recovery. One of the suggestions that you hear often at meetings is to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. To the newcomer, this might seem like overkill, but it’s actually a very reasonable exercise. Going to daily meetings has a number of benefits, not the least of which is the constant interaction with others in recovery.

One reason that we need a recovery network is for strength. We draw strength from our peers to help us stay clean and sober. And in times of trouble, we can enlist their help directly with either a phone call or a face-to-face meeting.

Another reason that we need this network is for learning. As we stay clean and sober and draw on the experience of our peers, we are constantly learning from them. Sometimes other recovering drug addicts have been through what we are going through and can help us with specific advice. Other times we will be able to do the same for them, and in helping them we actually strengthen our own recovery. Both situations are clearly win-win when it comes to beating addiction.

Action items - How you can build a recovery network:

As mentioned above, the shortcut is to get involved with a 12 step program. Regardless of whether or not you agree with the 12 step philosophy, there is still an undeniable level of support to be found in AA and NA. The reason for this is simply because those programs have become the default choice of the masses. That’s where the help is at.

There are other ways to connect with recovering addicts and alcoholics though. Long term treatment is a great place to build these types of relationships, for example.

Focus on personal growth

This is a huge topic and your efforts of personal growth should push you to work on yourself for the rest of your life. You should adopt a very broad idea of what makes up “personal growth” and be willing to explore new ways to learn and to grow. For example, you might consider the following areas for potential growth:

1) Physical - exercise, fitness, nutrition, and so on. This area would also include your overall physical health and well being, so things such as “quitting smoking” or “lowering your cholesterol” could even go in here.

2) Emotional - finding emotional balance in recovery. Making an effort to stay grounded emotionally; to not fly off the handle, etc.

3) Spiritual - Connecting with a higher power, relying on him for guidance. Meditation. A genuine interest in helping others.

4) Mental - Clearing the mental fog of addiction, sharpening our minds so that we can learn and grow in recovery. Recovery is a learning process.

5) Social - Attracting compatible people into our lives. Disassociating from bad influences.

These concepts and ideas just skim the surface of personal growth, which is set to take place over an entire lifetime of recovery.

Action items - How you can focus on personal growth:

1) Become goal oriented - set a single goal and then pursue it relentlessly. Quit smoking. Start an exercise routine. Commit to chair an AA meeting. Let your successes build on themselves and inspire you to set new goals.

2) Explore the holistic approach to growth - don’t get stuck in just looking to grow in one area (such as “spiritually”). Recovery is so much broader than that….look for growth opportunities in all areas of your life. It’s all relevant to recovery.

3) Make a commitment to growth - decide that you are going to make progress in different areas of your life. Time is going to pass by anyway, so where would you like to be in 5 years? You may as well be making progress with yourself, so commit to it right now.

Care for yourself

This is a huge strategy that can propel you to a successful recovery all by itself: simply care for yourself.

Of course, it’s much more complicated than that, isn’t it? Because we’ve abused our bodies for so long with drugs and alcohol, most of us have lost some level of self-esteem as well.

It might take some time before we start truly caring again. That’s why this strategy cannot stand on it’s own; we also need to grow as a person and to reach out to others. But as we do those other things, something changes. Our self esteem takes a turn for the better, and we start to care again. We start enjoying life and connecting with other people and life becomes important again.

That’s when this strategy starts coming into play. Simply caring for yourself.

Example: You have 2 years in sobriety and your child asks you: “When are you going to quit smoking?”

With each action you take, each decision you make, ask yourself: “Is this what’s truly best for me? Is this going to help me or hurt me in the long run?” Obviously, this goes beyond mere abstinence from drugs and alcohol, and takes a more holistic view of your overall health and well being.

This is about more than just maintaining sobriety….it’s about having a genuinely good life in recovery.

Action items - How you can better care for yourself:

1) Again, focus on a holistic approach - be aware of different areas that you could improve on: weight loss, fitness, quitting smoking, nutrition, relationships, emotional balance, taking time to relax, and so on.

2) Increase your awareness - instead of mindlessly engaging in unhealthy activities, make a commitment to be mindful about your health on a day-to-day basis. This is an elevation in consciousness; a way to watch yourself and to take a more active role in making decisions about your life. Always be asking yourself: “is this really healthy for me?”

The only tactic that I recommend: consider long term treatment

When all else fails, consider long term treatment. While it is no magic bullet, long term treatment still offers you the best chance at long term sobriety with continuous, long-term support. In other words, if you really want to get clean and sober, then a long term treatment center is a great option, because it offers the most supportive environment.

In my opinion, long term treatment is the ultimate tactic, or “shortcut” to a successful recovery because it typically embodies all of the 3 major strategies outlined above. So really, it’s not a shortcut at all, it’s a lot of hard work….but living in a long term treatment center will help you to focus your efforts on the 3 strategies that will help you in the long run: building your support network, focusing on personal growth, and caring for yourself on a number of different levels.

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By picturing the life that they really want for themselves, that’s how.

It is one thing to stay clean and sober.  It is another thing entirely to enjoy a passionate life in recovery that is filled with purpose.  Obviously, we want to do the latter of the two.

So how can we get there?

<h3>Finding your vision in recovery</h3>

I’m going to be honest with you here: I don’t think you should (or could) find your true vision for recovery during your first week of sobriety.  If you just got through detoxing, then this is not the defining moment when you want to plan out the rest of your life.

Take your time.  Ease back into life.  If you just got sober, then you’ve been out of it for quite a while, and it’s going to take some time before you are ready to start enjoying your life again and figuring out what you really want.  You can’t get sober today and then find peace and everlasting happiness tomorrow.  It takes time to repair a life.

Having said that, you certainly can start thinking about your vision for recovery once the fog starts to lift and you start to feel your real emotions again.  Many of us will stay sober and attend meetings and maybe have a sponsor, but eventually you have to ask yourself: “What do I really want out of life?”

When I was using drugs and alcohol in my active addiction, I already had the answer to that question.  There was no issue there: I wanted to get high and stay high, all the time.  Period.  This idea resonated so strongly with me that it became a spiritual quest of sorts.  It became my ultimate truth.

In recovery, you are going to need a new ultimate truth; a new quest.  If you had true passion for using drugs and alcohol (and who didn’t?) then you are going to need to find true passion and purpose in recovery in order to stay clean and sober over the long haul.

<h3>What type of vision and goals can help me in my recovery?</h3>

Some people become deeply involved in 12 step programs such as AA or NA.  This is fine, there is nothing wrong with it, and it can lead to a very good life in recovery.  But if this is your ultimate solution, then you had better follow it with passion.  You better get in there and get a good sponsor and truly work the steps to the best of your ability and eventually start sponsoring newcomers and so on.  Don’t just sit in meetings and sip coffee and smoke cigarettes and share the same old tired slogans over and over again, while barely clinging to your sobriety through clenched teeth because your existence has become meaningless.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  12 step programs are great as long as you pursue them with real passion.

Are there other ways to stay sober?  Is there any other vision for a successful life in recovery?

Of course there is….I am living one such reality right now.  Having been clean and sober for over 7 years now, I also push myself to grow in other areas of my life, and also reach out and help addicts and alcoholics in my own way.  I consider this last point to be crucial, by the way, and suggest that everyone in recovery find a way to connect with other addicts.  12 step programs are not mandatory but they will certainly help facilitate making these connections.

I am not against 12 step programs, I’m merely pointing out that the overall vision for a new life in recovery should go beyond these types of programs.  Recovery is so much bigger than that…it encompasses all aspects of your being, and can provide a springboard for growth in so many different areas.  Use your creative vision to visualize and attain a new life for yourself in recovery.

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When you first get clean and sober, holistic principles are not so important.  Truly, your only challenge in the very beginning is to simply grit your teeth and make it through each day without picking up a drink or a drug.  There is no need to look for balance in your life because it’s going to take everything you’ve got just to stay clean and sober at first.

But as we progress in our recovery, and get a bit of clean time under our belt, the need for a holistic approach becomes increasingly important.  What I mean by this is that you have to branch out from simply staying sober and start improving your life in other ways.  It is not enough to maintain physical sobriety.  Nor is it enough to adopt a spiritual program, and then only take it so far as to be enough to keep you clean.

<h3>Why do we need a holistic approach?</h3>

There are a few good reasons why we should use a holistic approach:

1) By focusing too heavily on a spiritual program, we lose sight of other areas for potential growth, such as in emotional balance, physical fitness, or other addictions (such as smoking).  When we open ourselves to growth in these other areas, it benefits our whole self, which adds back into our spiritual fitness as well.

2) Sometimes addiction is not our biggest problem - I know one recovering addict who committed suicide.  I know of another who basically died from smoking cigarettes and lack of exercise.  In both cases, their recovery efforts had failed them when it came to healing their “whole person.”  These people both defended the position that addiction was their biggest problem, and since they were clean and sober, their other issues (mental illness, smoking, being out of shape) were not so important and could be let slide.  This was obviously a mistake and ultimately led to a fate worse than relapse.

3) We need a holistic approach because recovery is not one-size-fits all. Instead, it’s find-what-works-for-you.  Consider the fact that there are many people in recovery who work very, very different programs.  Someone might focus almost exclusively on meditation.  Another might focus on exercise and nature.  And still another might be heavily involved in 12 step programs.  There is no right or wrong, there is only recovery and relapse.  Whatever works for you is what works for you.  A holistic approach is important for finding these sometimes subtle techniques and habits that lead to long term sobriety.

<h3>Okay, you’ve sold me.  So what is a holistic approach to recovery?</h3>

The holistic approach means to approach recovery as a whole-person solution to overcoming drug addiction and alcoholism.

This means going beyond a spiritual program such as the 12 step programs, although you can certainly still use those programs to benefit you.

But be aware of how much the spiritual component is pushed in some programs, and how it is maintained that it is the “ultimate answer” because addiction is a “spiritual malady.”

In my experience, addiction is more complicated than that.  It affects a whole person, including physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.

Therefore, any solution will have to address these areas of a person’s life.  If you just treat the spiritual element (still very important), then you’re going to get substandard results.

Therefore, I would suggest looking at:

1) Physical - Exercise, nutrition….still smoking cigarettes?  How are you treating your body?

2) Emotional - Strive for balance in your relationships.

3) Mental - I went back to school in recovery.  Others might simply enjoy recovery literature or lively discussions with other recovering addicts.  Are you staying mentally sharp?

4) Social - Networking with others in recovery.

5) Spiritual - Evolving your consciousness.  Continuous learning.  Realizing new connections and seeing truth in everyday life.  Helping others in recovery and outside of recovery too.

The longer you stay clean and sober, the more you need to start taking a holistic approach.  It is no longer enough to sit in meetings every day and claim growth.  Get out there and start living and start making progress in all areas of your life.  This is the holistic approach to recovery.